There, and Back Again - Chapter 10
Jul. 23rd, 2020 12:19 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
schrodingers_time_ladyTitle: There, and Back Again - Chapter 10
Fandom: Doctor Who
Character(s): Rodageitmososa (OC), Perigraphaltas (OC)
Ships(s): Rodageitmososa/Perigraphaltas
Previous Chapter: Chapter 9
Next Chapter: Chapter 11
Synopsis: Growing into a Time Lady is hard enough, but growing up as the Lord President's ward is even harder. Especially when it seems as though all of Gallifrey and strangers alike want to tell you how to live your life and who you're going to become.
Cross-posts: AO3
A/N: Don't bind with bandages, kids. It's not good for your ribs. Imagine that what Roda is wearing is a cropped binder. Take it from non-binary fandom mum. You can thankelisi and this post for the... wording, of that part. This chapter also borders on nsfw, but it's intentionally non-explicit.
---
Roda was still sitting on the floor when Peri walked in and wrapped his arms around her.She snapped her head up so fast it almost collided with the gurney, frantically trying to bring her sleeve up to wipe away the tears that had begun to flow as soon as Rassilon left the room. Swallowing hard, struggling to bring her breathing back under control, she rubbed her eyes until they began to ache, blinking at her boyfriend and giving him an utterly ingenuine smile.
“Peri…” Roda sniffed, swallowed again, and by some miracle managed to modulate her voice. “I’m sorry, I did something stupid and you had to-”
“Ssh.” Peri rested his chin in the crook of her neck, and if his hold was a little too tight or a little too warm, Roda couldn’t bring herself to push him away. Her arms shaking more than she cared to admit she reached up to hold onto him tight, as though he could anchor her in the here and now, and banish everything that she and Rassilon had spoken about. “It’s okay, Roda. You’re okay.”
Roda buried her face in Peri’s hair, breathing in the smell of the grass and of sweat, and wondered how long he had waited outside for permission to enter the room. An hour? Two hours? More? Usually so in tune with time, the loss of consciousness had left her out of sync with herself and it felt as though it would take a good night’s sleep before she was right as rain again. She felt one of his hands rest on the back of her head, stroking her curls soothingly as she cried silently, letting a hundred years of frustration and pain out while hiding her face. If only she could keep a straight face, and stop giving Peri so much to worry about. It felt as though he’d been looking after her for all of his life, and all she had given him in return was a few kisses and some sleepless nights. And yet he was here, now, when it meant the most. When she needed him most.
It took her a long time to stop shaking, and the sobs seemed to rack her body long after she got her breathing under control. She was vaguely aware that Peri was talking to her, but if it was important then he was going to have to repeat it. The only thing she wanted to be rooted in now was his touch and his presence. Her face still wet and her eyes red she pulled away from him - an expression of surprise crossing his features as she did so - and before she could change her mind took his face in her hands and kissed him. Hard. Anything but continuing to cry, and continuing to be scared.
After a moment Peri returned the kiss, hands trailing down her shoulders as they found a place to settle on her hips. Roda pushed herself to her knees, greedily knocking his teeth with hers as she fought to be closer to him and to feel something real, something that she understood. Letting go of his face she snaked one arm around his waist and with the other hand, clutched at his robes.
“Roda,” Peri gasped, coming up for air, “are you sure-“
“Please.”
Roda kissed him again; first on the lips and then the side of his mouth, his cheek, his neck. She didn’t want to think anymore. She was done with trying to think today. All she wanted was to be as close as possible to somebody who had stuck around even after she had been an idiot and who didn’t want to give her a lecture. Didn’t want her to be anything. Understanding, Peri closed his eyes and gave himself into her needs, returning the affection with just as much vigour. At some point they found their feet, and Roda grimaced as her hip bounced off the edge of the gurney and it threatened to roll away. She grabbed at it with one hand, hopping onto the edge and beckoning Peri forward to stand between her parted legs, taking his face in her hands again.
“Thank you….”
“I’m here, Roda,” Peri whispered between kisses. “I’m not going anywhere you idiot.”
“You promise?”
Peri laughed into her collar, shaking his head and pressing a kiss to the sensitive skin at the nape of her neck.
“Roda, you have to do something stupider than that to get rid of me.”
Without hesitating again, Roda wrapped her legs around Peri’s back and held on as though her life depended on it. Exploring him with her mouth turned into running hands over his shoulders and down the back of his robes, her own bunched up somewhere around her thighs. She felt Peri’s fingertips pressing flowers into her bare thighs and nearly bit his lip with pleased surprise. At the back of her mind was the nagging question ‘what if Rassilon walks in?’ but she no longer had it in her to care. Let him walk in, let him splutter and try to excuse himself, or tell them to break apart. She wouldn’t let him. Peri was hers, and he expected nothing more from her than to be here in his arms, now, skin to skin.
Burying her head in Peri’s neck as she regained her breath again, Roda switched to telepathy; reaching out and finding that bright signature that was Peri. It always glowed like a star, guiding her back when she lost her temper.
«Bedroom.»
«What?»
Roda had to stifle a laugh; even in her head Peri was flushed, and flustered.
«I can’t stand it in here,» she explained, sending him a faint image of the sterile whiteness of the Zero Room. «Come back to my room.»
«But Rassilon-»
Instead of gracing him with a response, Roda pushed Peri back just enough to slide to the ground clumsily, pressing her body up against his in a way that she hoped felt as good for him as it did her and brushing her knee against the tent in his robes.
“Raz can go fuck himself,” she whispered. “I don’t care about him right now, I care about you.”
As if it was their first time all over again, Roda and Peri stumbled to her quarters like giddy schoolchildren, each keeping an eye out for Rassilon as they fell down corridors and around corners. Roda all but kicked open the door to her rooms, certain that it would have alerted somebody and finding that she didn’t care. With luck, it would be mistaken for a tantrum. When the door slammed shut behind her again she turned to pin Peri up against the wood, revelling in his soft gasp of surprise as she held him there and kissed him deeply. Her leg slipped between his again, knee grazing the door as she clumsily reached for the ends of his robes, trying to pull them over his head and pausing only to ask for permission.
«Yes?»
«Yes.»
They hardly made it to the bed before Peri returned the favour, and they fell down in a tangle of cloth. Roda couldn’t help but laugh as it caught on her shoulders, briefly obscuring her face as Peri ran his hands under her breasts, over her waist, and dug his thumbs once more into her hips. She hissed with pleasure, lifting her body to meet his attention, to steal it and have more of it. She would fill the hole that the day had left in her with sensations and wanting and this, she decided, until she felt more alive than she had ever felt before. Peri made a noise somewhere above her that sounded appreciative and she smiled again, helping to get the robes off until Peri was straddling her and they were both just in their undergarments. They met each other’s gaze then - Roda’s eyes still red, Peri’s full of concern and longing - before launching back into it again.
The headboard hit the wall as Peri’s balance slipped, and he landed against Roda with a faint oomph of surprise that reminded her of why she loved him. Just like all those years ago atop Mount Perdition, when they had shared their first kiss. She caressed his cheek with one hand, guiding his down to the waist of her underwear with a raised eyebrow of ‘well, get on with it’, and then tilted her head back as he ran kisses down her torso. He slid the cloth down, exposing her and Roda’s breath hitched as he hesitated with one hand so close and yet so far from blessed distraction. Usually so agile, she struggled to pull the binding wrap off her chest,, and let it drop to the floor completely disregarded.
“Peri…” Roda whined, pleasure replacing the ache of the day and her hearts.
Peri only chuckled, resting his free hand on the space between her breasts and giving her an appreciative look. Roda tugged at her bottom lip with her teeth, lifting her hips to meet his touch by way of an answer. Knowing exactly where and how to touch her from years of experience, Peri turned his tender attention to her body as his fingers danced around every spot but the one that really mattered. Roda closed her eyes, purring and swearing alike in her mind, as she gave in to the sensation. Rooting herself in nothing but him and the way that he felt, she could let the rest of the universe slip away. And Perigraphaltas was a very attentive lover. Just as her mind might have begun to wander again, he did something and she felt as though her eyes rolled into the back of her head.
«I want you...» she murmured, unable to form words anymore as she felt Peri slip a finger inside her. «I don’t want to think anymore.»
«You only had to ask.»
Roda nuzzled her face into Peri’s sweat-soaked chest, closing her eyes with a faintly sulking noise as he stroked her hair. Around them, the room was in complete disarray; books and sheets alike thrown to the floor, but for the light blanket that one of them had used to cover themselves from the waist down when they had finished and the chill of the evening had begun to set in.
If Rassilon knew what they had been up to - indeed, that she had even left the Zero Room - then he had wisely decided not to intervene. Which was, Roda felt, just as well. She had absolutely no desire to get dressed, let alone move, for at the very least the rest of the night.
She sighed at Peri’s question, wishing that she could ignore it but aware that she couldn’t avoid talking about her feelings forever. But she wasn’t sure of the answer. For the most part, she didn’t want to talk about it. She would have been quite content to let the problem fade away, and let the plan for the future proceed the same way it always had. Graduate, get what Rassilon wanted her to do done and over with, and then see the universe. Except now, it seemed as though every step was in question.
More than anything else she wanted to skip straight to the middle, throw out the map, and start with the running away; to take Peri’s hand, hop in a TARDIS and disappear into the stars. If she did then - then she wouldn’t have to face the unanswerable questions or the difficult truths. She was almost tempted to steal a TARDIS and leave now, but hers was still far from space-worthy, and anything else that they could have taken wouldn’t get them far enough away without being caught. And besides, she could hardly destroy Peri’s life alongside her own. So she would have to be patient, for now.
“I shouldn’t have to prove myself to anybody,” she said finally, speaking into Peri’s clavicle instead of his face. One hand bunched into the sheets behind his head, making a rose of frustration as she fought to stay calm. To hold onto the peace that the last little while alone with Peri had given her. “Not Selesion, not the Academy, and definitely not Rassilon.”
A frustrated expression crossed Peri’s face for just a second before his shoulders loosened and he squeezed her shoulder.
“You don’t. Have to, I mean.” He paused, and then tried for humour. “I mean, I resigned myself long ago to you never managing to keep up with my lectures on quantum-”
He yelped as Roda slapped him half-heartedly, a smile ghosting onto her features. “Look, just because you’re always the smartest in the room.”
Mock-reproachfully, Peri shrugged. “I mean, I am.” As Roda raised her hand to pretend to thump him again, he kissed the tip of her nose. “But you’re the one who qualified to work with TARDISes while still in the Academy. And don’t even get me started on those hikes you drag me on…!”
“If you put down the books every once in a while...” Roda teased.
“Oh,” Peri snorted, “says the Time Lady who inherited a Library!”
She laughed, hearts slowing down to a peaceful beat. “You know, you could take a book up the hill with you.”
“I do,” Peri argued, “but you tire me out so much I never get to read them.”
“Oh,” she prodded him in the chest, sitting up on her arms, “I didn’t hear you complaining about me tiring you out just now!”
“Well,” he sniffed, “I didn’t come here to read books anyway.”
They slipped into silence once again, but for the sound of a ticking clock, a changing of the Chancellery Guard somewhere outside, and the wind rattling the courtyard window. Roda closed her eyes, drinking in the words between the lines of what Peri had said. He had come here for her. Waited, rushed in, and held her in his arms. The care was not lost on her.
Even from the beginning, she and Peri had known that their relationship couldn’t last; not as tender and as innocent as this, anyway. For all of their feelings for one another, Roda had learned to accept years ago that they were set on different paths. They were different breeds of Time Lord. Peri was studious, dedicated, and in his own way patriotic. He understood the ‘Lord’ in their name, and he was somebody that Roda could see achieving something great, one of these days. He was already well on his way to the medical corps, after all, and he could recite textbooks in his sleep. And yet he still cared, and deeply. Even when he had his own problems, he was always there for her with open arms, and his sisters fawned over his every word like there was never a better brother in the whole universe. If Roda had to describe him in just a few words, she would say that Perigraphaltas was a good man. Perhaps too good for her.
Roda was almost everything he was not, as Rassilon and the game of Eighth Man Bound had both made very clear, albeit in very different ways. If Peri was a part of Gallifreyan civilisation, then Roda felt as though she was a part of the planet, if nothing else. Outside of the Citadel Gallifrey was wild and free and everything that Roda aspired to me. Independent, ever-changing and in a sense, feral. Living with Rassilon for most of her life had given her a healthy respect not only for where their species had come, but also where it had begun. The Dark Ages, the Pythia, the Sisterhood of Karn, the Shobogans, the Vampires, the tales of Zagreus and other nursery rhymes that made even the eldest Time Lord shudder. To forget their roots, and that they had once been no more developed than the likes of Sol-3 or any other planet was, she believed, to forget themselves. And so she could never focus on academia and society in the same way that Peri did. It just didn’t come naturally to her.
But she still cared. She cared to know that people were happy, and that they were safe. She cared to hear stories of her hero Robin Hood, robbing from the rich to feed the poor and bringing justice to his land. She cared about the rebels, and yet she could never admit it out loud. And she cared - perhaps most of all, in this moment - about making every single millisecond that Peri was hers matter. Screw her broken hearts, and screw her fear. In this moment, everything was right.
Stroking her curls once again, Peri interrupted Roda’s thoughts by quietly clearing his throat. His hand was still, nestled in her hair, and Roda forced herself to open a sleepy eye and attempt to pay attention.
“He said something, didn’t he?”
It took her a second to understand what Peri meant, and then her mind clouded over with frustration. Rassilon would not ruin this as well.
“No.”
“Roda…” Peri whispered, soothingly. “You’re a terrible liar.”
“Look,” she sighed, lifting her body and balancing her weight on one elbow. “He was angry, I was angry, I’m not good enough and the stupid plan is ineffable. There’s nothing to talk about.”
“So he upset you.”
Roda frowned, surprised despite herself. For all of her complaints about her guardian, it was rare that Peri was the one to be unhappy with him. The reaction was… disarming.
“He’s the Lord fucking President,” she said, her anger dulled by hesitant confusion. “He does what he damn well likes.”
“But he upset you,” Peri persisted, pulling Roda back into his arms, resting his face in her hair. “Properly, this time.”
“And?”
“You’re kind. You’re nerdy. Omega knows even I haven't read as many weird books as you have.” Peri pressed a kiss to her nose. “You work hard, you’re building a TARDIS! Sure, you’re - y’know, you’re more than a little rough around the edges,” Roda pretended to be offended, “but it’s just that you care too much. And what he said was wrong.”
Roda tried to show the correct reaction, but couldn’t help laughing instead. Wriggling, she placed one hand to her hearts, staring at Peri through disbelieving giggles.
“Stop my hearts,” she said, dramatically, reaching out the same hand to cup Peri’s cheek, “but did you just say that the Great Lord Rassilon was wrong?”
“Shut up,” muttered Peri, his face colouring. But Roda could already feel her mood improving. (Not, of course, that the sex hadn’t done a very good job of taking her mind off things.) “Take a compliment, would you?”
“Oh, please,” Roda purred, her hand sliding down Peri’s body as she moved so that she was straddling him, this time. His breath caught in his throat, and letting her fingers graze the hair below his navel, Roda wondered if she could steer the conversation around to round two. “Shower me in as many compliments as you want.”
“You’re incorrigible.”
“You’ve said that one before,” she teased, hand trailing further south.
“If you - you just…” Peri stopped to catch his breath, making a half-hearted attempt at pushing Roda’s hand away. She stopped - for now - but couldn’t help but pout. “You’re plenty good enough. I’m sure if you just spoke to hi-”
«Thank you.» Roda cut her boyfriend off with a quick kiss, squeezing his side with her thighs as she kept her balance. «Really.» She kissed Peri again, this time feeling him sit up to reciprocate. «I just… don’t want to talk about him right now. About what happened.»
It felt more vulnerable, saying the words in her mind while pressed up against Peri’s body, their bare skin still damp and flushed. But she could feel something caught in her throat, and knew that if she let herself say the words out loud then she would have to hear them again. This way she could be honest, while letting down her barriers to ask permission and reprieve.
They broke apart with Peri’s hand on the back of Roda’s neck, his lips swollen from her teeth and his mouth slightly parted. Roda studied him as though he was the most beautiful thing in her life right now, and waited with only a little anxiety for his response.
«Later?»
A pause, and then she nodded. «Later.»
«If it helps, though,» continued Peri, determined to have the last word. Roda sent him a vague image of impatience. «I like you.»
She laughed again. “If you didn’t then what we’ve just been up to would make no sense at all!”
«I mean it, though,» Peri insisted, keeping with the telepathy. «I’m sorry, I know you don’t want to talk about it but I was so… so worried.» His fingers left little red roses in her waist as he held on, and Roda returned to her ministrations of his body, wanting to get back to where they had left off. «I thought I lost you, that you were going to -»
“You don’t get rid of me that easily,” quipped Roda, wriggling to make herself comfortable. Peri gasped with surprise, his grip tightening as his mind washed over hers with a red hot spike of consent. «Sorry.»
«I don’t want rid of you, Roda. I love you.» The Time Lady froze, caught off guard by how candid those three simple words were. «I love everything about you - even the stupid things.»
She slapped him playfully across the back of the head, knowing that her face had turned almost as red as her robes and completely unable to stop it. “If you’re trying to make me feel better-”
«I am. I mean it.»
Pressing her breasts against his body, Roda kissed the underside of Peri’s jaw. «I love you too.»
«There. Was that so hard?»
Roda responded by raising one eyebrow and shuffling back to sit on Peri’s legs, taking him in her hand with a smirk. «You are.»
«You - I-!» Peri moaned, lifting his hips and losing command of his telepathy. “Get your mind out of the gutter, Rodageitmososa, I’m trying to have a moment here!”
“We’re Time Lords,” Roda shrugged, doing that thing that she knew always drove him crazy, “we have plenty of moments.”
“I was trying to be sweet in this one,” responded Peri, his voice strained, “and now you ruined it.”
“You said you liked the stupid things.” Roda stilled her hand. “But if you really want me to stop…”
As his head hit the pillow with a thump Peri grabbed Roda’s busy hand with his own, making it quite clear that he did not. “Sometimes I swear you will be the death of me.”
“But you love me.”
“I do.”
Giving into sensation once again, Roda closed her eyes and began to stroke once more. The universe and all of its questions and expectations could wait. Right now, Peri was her universe and he was hers. While she had him, everything could wait; even the maelstrom of her own mind.
Fandom: Doctor Who
Character(s): Rodageitmososa (OC), Perigraphaltas (OC)
Ships(s): Rodageitmososa/Perigraphaltas
Previous Chapter: Chapter 9
Next Chapter: Chapter 11
Synopsis: Growing into a Time Lady is hard enough, but growing up as the Lord President's ward is even harder. Especially when it seems as though all of Gallifrey and strangers alike want to tell you how to live your life and who you're going to become.
Cross-posts: AO3
A/N: Don't bind with bandages, kids. It's not good for your ribs. Imagine that what Roda is wearing is a cropped binder. Take it from non-binary fandom mum. You can thank
elisi and this post for the... wording, of that part. This chapter also borders on nsfw, but it's intentionally non-explicit.“When someone is crying, of course, the noble thing to do is to comfort them. But if someone is trying to hide their tears, it may also be noble to pretend you do not notice them.”
- “Horseradish”, Lemony Snicket
---
Roda was still sitting on the floor when Peri walked in and wrapped his arms around her.She snapped her head up so fast it almost collided with the gurney, frantically trying to bring her sleeve up to wipe away the tears that had begun to flow as soon as Rassilon left the room. Swallowing hard, struggling to bring her breathing back under control, she rubbed her eyes until they began to ache, blinking at her boyfriend and giving him an utterly ingenuine smile.
“Peri…” Roda sniffed, swallowed again, and by some miracle managed to modulate her voice. “I’m sorry, I did something stupid and you had to-”
“Ssh.” Peri rested his chin in the crook of her neck, and if his hold was a little too tight or a little too warm, Roda couldn’t bring herself to push him away. Her arms shaking more than she cared to admit she reached up to hold onto him tight, as though he could anchor her in the here and now, and banish everything that she and Rassilon had spoken about. “It’s okay, Roda. You’re okay.”
Roda buried her face in Peri’s hair, breathing in the smell of the grass and of sweat, and wondered how long he had waited outside for permission to enter the room. An hour? Two hours? More? Usually so in tune with time, the loss of consciousness had left her out of sync with herself and it felt as though it would take a good night’s sleep before she was right as rain again. She felt one of his hands rest on the back of her head, stroking her curls soothingly as she cried silently, letting a hundred years of frustration and pain out while hiding her face. If only she could keep a straight face, and stop giving Peri so much to worry about. It felt as though he’d been looking after her for all of his life, and all she had given him in return was a few kisses and some sleepless nights. And yet he was here, now, when it meant the most. When she needed him most.
It took her a long time to stop shaking, and the sobs seemed to rack her body long after she got her breathing under control. She was vaguely aware that Peri was talking to her, but if it was important then he was going to have to repeat it. The only thing she wanted to be rooted in now was his touch and his presence. Her face still wet and her eyes red she pulled away from him - an expression of surprise crossing his features as she did so - and before she could change her mind took his face in her hands and kissed him. Hard. Anything but continuing to cry, and continuing to be scared.
After a moment Peri returned the kiss, hands trailing down her shoulders as they found a place to settle on her hips. Roda pushed herself to her knees, greedily knocking his teeth with hers as she fought to be closer to him and to feel something real, something that she understood. Letting go of his face she snaked one arm around his waist and with the other hand, clutched at his robes.
“Roda,” Peri gasped, coming up for air, “are you sure-“
“Please.”
Roda kissed him again; first on the lips and then the side of his mouth, his cheek, his neck. She didn’t want to think anymore. She was done with trying to think today. All she wanted was to be as close as possible to somebody who had stuck around even after she had been an idiot and who didn’t want to give her a lecture. Didn’t want her to be anything. Understanding, Peri closed his eyes and gave himself into her needs, returning the affection with just as much vigour. At some point they found their feet, and Roda grimaced as her hip bounced off the edge of the gurney and it threatened to roll away. She grabbed at it with one hand, hopping onto the edge and beckoning Peri forward to stand between her parted legs, taking his face in her hands again.
“Thank you….”
“I’m here, Roda,” Peri whispered between kisses. “I’m not going anywhere you idiot.”
“You promise?”
Peri laughed into her collar, shaking his head and pressing a kiss to the sensitive skin at the nape of her neck.
“Roda, you have to do something stupider than that to get rid of me.”
Without hesitating again, Roda wrapped her legs around Peri’s back and held on as though her life depended on it. Exploring him with her mouth turned into running hands over his shoulders and down the back of his robes, her own bunched up somewhere around her thighs. She felt Peri’s fingertips pressing flowers into her bare thighs and nearly bit his lip with pleased surprise. At the back of her mind was the nagging question ‘what if Rassilon walks in?’ but she no longer had it in her to care. Let him walk in, let him splutter and try to excuse himself, or tell them to break apart. She wouldn’t let him. Peri was hers, and he expected nothing more from her than to be here in his arms, now, skin to skin.
Burying her head in Peri’s neck as she regained her breath again, Roda switched to telepathy; reaching out and finding that bright signature that was Peri. It always glowed like a star, guiding her back when she lost her temper.
«Bedroom.»
«What?»
Roda had to stifle a laugh; even in her head Peri was flushed, and flustered.
«I can’t stand it in here,» she explained, sending him a faint image of the sterile whiteness of the Zero Room. «Come back to my room.»
«But Rassilon-»
Instead of gracing him with a response, Roda pushed Peri back just enough to slide to the ground clumsily, pressing her body up against his in a way that she hoped felt as good for him as it did her and brushing her knee against the tent in his robes.
“Raz can go fuck himself,” she whispered. “I don’t care about him right now, I care about you.”
As if it was their first time all over again, Roda and Peri stumbled to her quarters like giddy schoolchildren, each keeping an eye out for Rassilon as they fell down corridors and around corners. Roda all but kicked open the door to her rooms, certain that it would have alerted somebody and finding that she didn’t care. With luck, it would be mistaken for a tantrum. When the door slammed shut behind her again she turned to pin Peri up against the wood, revelling in his soft gasp of surprise as she held him there and kissed him deeply. Her leg slipped between his again, knee grazing the door as she clumsily reached for the ends of his robes, trying to pull them over his head and pausing only to ask for permission.
«Yes?»
«Yes.»
They hardly made it to the bed before Peri returned the favour, and they fell down in a tangle of cloth. Roda couldn’t help but laugh as it caught on her shoulders, briefly obscuring her face as Peri ran his hands under her breasts, over her waist, and dug his thumbs once more into her hips. She hissed with pleasure, lifting her body to meet his attention, to steal it and have more of it. She would fill the hole that the day had left in her with sensations and wanting and this, she decided, until she felt more alive than she had ever felt before. Peri made a noise somewhere above her that sounded appreciative and she smiled again, helping to get the robes off until Peri was straddling her and they were both just in their undergarments. They met each other’s gaze then - Roda’s eyes still red, Peri’s full of concern and longing - before launching back into it again.
The headboard hit the wall as Peri’s balance slipped, and he landed against Roda with a faint oomph of surprise that reminded her of why she loved him. Just like all those years ago atop Mount Perdition, when they had shared their first kiss. She caressed his cheek with one hand, guiding his down to the waist of her underwear with a raised eyebrow of ‘well, get on with it’, and then tilted her head back as he ran kisses down her torso. He slid the cloth down, exposing her and Roda’s breath hitched as he hesitated with one hand so close and yet so far from blessed distraction. Usually so agile, she struggled to pull the binding wrap off her chest,, and let it drop to the floor completely disregarded.
“Peri…” Roda whined, pleasure replacing the ache of the day and her hearts.
Peri only chuckled, resting his free hand on the space between her breasts and giving her an appreciative look. Roda tugged at her bottom lip with her teeth, lifting her hips to meet his touch by way of an answer. Knowing exactly where and how to touch her from years of experience, Peri turned his tender attention to her body as his fingers danced around every spot but the one that really mattered. Roda closed her eyes, purring and swearing alike in her mind, as she gave in to the sensation. Rooting herself in nothing but him and the way that he felt, she could let the rest of the universe slip away. And Perigraphaltas was a very attentive lover. Just as her mind might have begun to wander again, he did something and she felt as though her eyes rolled into the back of her head.
«I want you...» she murmured, unable to form words anymore as she felt Peri slip a finger inside her. «I don’t want to think anymore.»
«You only had to ask.»
***
Roda nuzzled her face into Peri’s sweat-soaked chest, closing her eyes with a faintly sulking noise as he stroked her hair. Around them, the room was in complete disarray; books and sheets alike thrown to the floor, but for the light blanket that one of them had used to cover themselves from the waist down when they had finished and the chill of the evening had begun to set in.
If Rassilon knew what they had been up to - indeed, that she had even left the Zero Room - then he had wisely decided not to intervene. Which was, Roda felt, just as well. She had absolutely no desire to get dressed, let alone move, for at the very least the rest of the night.
She sighed at Peri’s question, wishing that she could ignore it but aware that she couldn’t avoid talking about her feelings forever. But she wasn’t sure of the answer. For the most part, she didn’t want to talk about it. She would have been quite content to let the problem fade away, and let the plan for the future proceed the same way it always had. Graduate, get what Rassilon wanted her to do done and over with, and then see the universe. Except now, it seemed as though every step was in question.
More than anything else she wanted to skip straight to the middle, throw out the map, and start with the running away; to take Peri’s hand, hop in a TARDIS and disappear into the stars. If she did then - then she wouldn’t have to face the unanswerable questions or the difficult truths. She was almost tempted to steal a TARDIS and leave now, but hers was still far from space-worthy, and anything else that they could have taken wouldn’t get them far enough away without being caught. And besides, she could hardly destroy Peri’s life alongside her own. So she would have to be patient, for now.
“I shouldn’t have to prove myself to anybody,” she said finally, speaking into Peri’s clavicle instead of his face. One hand bunched into the sheets behind his head, making a rose of frustration as she fought to stay calm. To hold onto the peace that the last little while alone with Peri had given her. “Not Selesion, not the Academy, and definitely not Rassilon.”
A frustrated expression crossed Peri’s face for just a second before his shoulders loosened and he squeezed her shoulder.
“You don’t. Have to, I mean.” He paused, and then tried for humour. “I mean, I resigned myself long ago to you never managing to keep up with my lectures on quantum-”
He yelped as Roda slapped him half-heartedly, a smile ghosting onto her features. “Look, just because you’re always the smartest in the room.”
Mock-reproachfully, Peri shrugged. “I mean, I am.” As Roda raised her hand to pretend to thump him again, he kissed the tip of her nose. “But you’re the one who qualified to work with TARDISes while still in the Academy. And don’t even get me started on those hikes you drag me on…!”
“If you put down the books every once in a while...” Roda teased.
“Oh,” Peri snorted, “says the Time Lady who inherited a Library!”
She laughed, hearts slowing down to a peaceful beat. “You know, you could take a book up the hill with you.”
“I do,” Peri argued, “but you tire me out so much I never get to read them.”
“Oh,” she prodded him in the chest, sitting up on her arms, “I didn’t hear you complaining about me tiring you out just now!”
“Well,” he sniffed, “I didn’t come here to read books anyway.”
They slipped into silence once again, but for the sound of a ticking clock, a changing of the Chancellery Guard somewhere outside, and the wind rattling the courtyard window. Roda closed her eyes, drinking in the words between the lines of what Peri had said. He had come here for her. Waited, rushed in, and held her in his arms. The care was not lost on her.
Even from the beginning, she and Peri had known that their relationship couldn’t last; not as tender and as innocent as this, anyway. For all of their feelings for one another, Roda had learned to accept years ago that they were set on different paths. They were different breeds of Time Lord. Peri was studious, dedicated, and in his own way patriotic. He understood the ‘Lord’ in their name, and he was somebody that Roda could see achieving something great, one of these days. He was already well on his way to the medical corps, after all, and he could recite textbooks in his sleep. And yet he still cared, and deeply. Even when he had his own problems, he was always there for her with open arms, and his sisters fawned over his every word like there was never a better brother in the whole universe. If Roda had to describe him in just a few words, she would say that Perigraphaltas was a good man. Perhaps too good for her.
Roda was almost everything he was not, as Rassilon and the game of Eighth Man Bound had both made very clear, albeit in very different ways. If Peri was a part of Gallifreyan civilisation, then Roda felt as though she was a part of the planet, if nothing else. Outside of the Citadel Gallifrey was wild and free and everything that Roda aspired to me. Independent, ever-changing and in a sense, feral. Living with Rassilon for most of her life had given her a healthy respect not only for where their species had come, but also where it had begun. The Dark Ages, the Pythia, the Sisterhood of Karn, the Shobogans, the Vampires, the tales of Zagreus and other nursery rhymes that made even the eldest Time Lord shudder. To forget their roots, and that they had once been no more developed than the likes of Sol-3 or any other planet was, she believed, to forget themselves. And so she could never focus on academia and society in the same way that Peri did. It just didn’t come naturally to her.
But she still cared. She cared to know that people were happy, and that they were safe. She cared to hear stories of her hero Robin Hood, robbing from the rich to feed the poor and bringing justice to his land. She cared about the rebels, and yet she could never admit it out loud. And she cared - perhaps most of all, in this moment - about making every single millisecond that Peri was hers matter. Screw her broken hearts, and screw her fear. In this moment, everything was right.
Stroking her curls once again, Peri interrupted Roda’s thoughts by quietly clearing his throat. His hand was still, nestled in her hair, and Roda forced herself to open a sleepy eye and attempt to pay attention.
“He said something, didn’t he?”
It took her a second to understand what Peri meant, and then her mind clouded over with frustration. Rassilon would not ruin this as well.
“No.”
“Roda…” Peri whispered, soothingly. “You’re a terrible liar.”
“Look,” she sighed, lifting her body and balancing her weight on one elbow. “He was angry, I was angry, I’m not good enough and the stupid plan is ineffable. There’s nothing to talk about.”
“So he upset you.”
Roda frowned, surprised despite herself. For all of her complaints about her guardian, it was rare that Peri was the one to be unhappy with him. The reaction was… disarming.
“He’s the Lord fucking President,” she said, her anger dulled by hesitant confusion. “He does what he damn well likes.”
“But he upset you,” Peri persisted, pulling Roda back into his arms, resting his face in her hair. “Properly, this time.”
“And?”
“You’re kind. You’re nerdy. Omega knows even I haven't read as many weird books as you have.” Peri pressed a kiss to her nose. “You work hard, you’re building a TARDIS! Sure, you’re - y’know, you’re more than a little rough around the edges,” Roda pretended to be offended, “but it’s just that you care too much. And what he said was wrong.”
Roda tried to show the correct reaction, but couldn’t help laughing instead. Wriggling, she placed one hand to her hearts, staring at Peri through disbelieving giggles.
“Stop my hearts,” she said, dramatically, reaching out the same hand to cup Peri’s cheek, “but did you just say that the Great Lord Rassilon was wrong?”
“Shut up,” muttered Peri, his face colouring. But Roda could already feel her mood improving. (Not, of course, that the sex hadn’t done a very good job of taking her mind off things.) “Take a compliment, would you?”
“Oh, please,” Roda purred, her hand sliding down Peri’s body as she moved so that she was straddling him, this time. His breath caught in his throat, and letting her fingers graze the hair below his navel, Roda wondered if she could steer the conversation around to round two. “Shower me in as many compliments as you want.”
“You’re incorrigible.”
“You’ve said that one before,” she teased, hand trailing further south.
“If you - you just…” Peri stopped to catch his breath, making a half-hearted attempt at pushing Roda’s hand away. She stopped - for now - but couldn’t help but pout. “You’re plenty good enough. I’m sure if you just spoke to hi-”
«Thank you.» Roda cut her boyfriend off with a quick kiss, squeezing his side with her thighs as she kept her balance. «Really.» She kissed Peri again, this time feeling him sit up to reciprocate. «I just… don’t want to talk about him right now. About what happened.»
It felt more vulnerable, saying the words in her mind while pressed up against Peri’s body, their bare skin still damp and flushed. But she could feel something caught in her throat, and knew that if she let herself say the words out loud then she would have to hear them again. This way she could be honest, while letting down her barriers to ask permission and reprieve.
They broke apart with Peri’s hand on the back of Roda’s neck, his lips swollen from her teeth and his mouth slightly parted. Roda studied him as though he was the most beautiful thing in her life right now, and waited with only a little anxiety for his response.
«Later?»
A pause, and then she nodded. «Later.»
«If it helps, though,» continued Peri, determined to have the last word. Roda sent him a vague image of impatience. «I like you.»
She laughed again. “If you didn’t then what we’ve just been up to would make no sense at all!”
«I mean it, though,» Peri insisted, keeping with the telepathy. «I’m sorry, I know you don’t want to talk about it but I was so… so worried.» His fingers left little red roses in her waist as he held on, and Roda returned to her ministrations of his body, wanting to get back to where they had left off. «I thought I lost you, that you were going to -»
“You don’t get rid of me that easily,” quipped Roda, wriggling to make herself comfortable. Peri gasped with surprise, his grip tightening as his mind washed over hers with a red hot spike of consent. «Sorry.»
«I don’t want rid of you, Roda. I love you.» The Time Lady froze, caught off guard by how candid those three simple words were. «I love everything about you - even the stupid things.»
She slapped him playfully across the back of the head, knowing that her face had turned almost as red as her robes and completely unable to stop it. “If you’re trying to make me feel better-”
«I am. I mean it.»
Pressing her breasts against his body, Roda kissed the underside of Peri’s jaw. «I love you too.»
«There. Was that so hard?»
Roda responded by raising one eyebrow and shuffling back to sit on Peri’s legs, taking him in her hand with a smirk. «You are.»
«You - I-!» Peri moaned, lifting his hips and losing command of his telepathy. “Get your mind out of the gutter, Rodageitmososa, I’m trying to have a moment here!”
“We’re Time Lords,” Roda shrugged, doing that thing that she knew always drove him crazy, “we have plenty of moments.”
“I was trying to be sweet in this one,” responded Peri, his voice strained, “and now you ruined it.”
“You said you liked the stupid things.” Roda stilled her hand. “But if you really want me to stop…”
As his head hit the pillow with a thump Peri grabbed Roda’s busy hand with his own, making it quite clear that he did not. “Sometimes I swear you will be the death of me.”
“But you love me.”
“I do.”
Giving into sensation once again, Roda closed her eyes and began to stroke once more. The universe and all of its questions and expectations could wait. Right now, Peri was her universe and he was hers. While she had him, everything could wait; even the maelstrom of her own mind.